Tagged: Bizarro

Bizzarro Unkiedev’s Umazing Futts

The Future of comic books has arrived:

SUPERMAN FAMILY ADVENTURES #2, Franco (W) Art BAltazar (W/A), DC

This is everything good with comics. Bizarro is going to punch Superman. Bizarro is a’gonna’ try and punch Supergirl, though I suspect she shall prove too fast and wily for our choky antagonist. All of this shall be rendered in a style so cute, it would make the denizens of Candy Land heave a collective sigh of adoration.

Should this prove insufficient to render instant purchase, yea jaded comics buyers, the cover of this comic promises that there will be a Kryptonian mouse named Fuzzy. He has his own lil’ super cape an’ everything. AW.

YOU TRY and not buy this. I dare you to. Don’t you want to see Superman ask Fuzzy for help against Bizarro? Can’t you imagine Streaky, Supergirl’s be-caped super cat chasing Fuzzy around so fast that they reset time? Don’t you want to see Fuzzy the Kryptonian mouse fly up Bizarro’s nostril and rip his skull out of his backwards feet…did I do that right? If normal people have skulls in their heads, then the people of Bizarro world have skulls in their feet?

But then again, they wouldn’t THINK with their brains. They would think with their skulls, and the brains would be wrapped around the skull to protect it. Let me ask that previous question in a more correct grammatical fashion, Bizarro wise:

Don’t you want to see Fuzzy the Kryptonian super mouse fly up Bizarro’s nostrils (Which he uses to see things with) in order to rip through his body, straight down to his feet in order to rip the skulls out of his legs from their squishy brain covers? Continue reading

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Holiday Madness

By Unkiedev

I was watching the Flintstones the other day and noticed that Fred reads a newspaper that is two solid slabs of rocks with carvings etched into them. These rocks are held together via a crude rope.

Now, if the journalists of the stone age INSTEAD tattooed the news onto the wings of small pterodactyls, and then lashed those pterodactyls together via the same crude rope I BET you could get a few more pages in the same spatial constraints as those gigantic stone newspapers. PLUS the pterodactyls are far more recyclable, as you can get eggs out of them when they grow up, or just let them fly away out the window.

AND THEN I thought “I am a raving madman for having these thoughts. I need to go have myself committed.”

MAD ABOUT COMICS

So I am writing from the psyche ward of an undisclosed private brain rehabilitation sanitarium. They are very nice to me and they let me write my columns in crayon with my feet.

DC’s Blackest Night is still going strong, and this week’s Green Lantern Corps #34 sees bemusing 80’s Green Lantern Guy Gardner lose what little cool he had as he blows his stack so high he becomes a Red Lantern. I think I know where DC is going with this: He’ll regain his will, but learn to wield BOTH the red and green power rings JUST in time to decorate Oa in festive, holiday colors for Christmas. Continue reading

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