YES, Ben Affleck is now Batman, but somehow the media is missing the bigger story. We know the former Daredevil star has been signed to play Mr. Wayne in multiple cross-company movies, so as to give Warner some Tent-Pole clout to combat the face stomping Marvel/Disney is dishing out with THIER superhero movies, right? Well, think. What is the other big film franchise that Warner owns which is going begging for some new screen time? THAT’S RIGH! As revealed by me, exclusively for the Forbidden Planet blogs and Daily Planet, this brand new, probably untrue rumor-train is about to leave Platform 9 3/4 towards destiny. You heard it here first, folks:
Ben Affleck BATMAN IS GOING TO FIGHT HARRY POTTER!
HOLY PLOT HOLES, BATMAN
What is going to happen in the planned Superman/Batman movie is a supposed showdown between The Big Blue Mass Murderer and BatBen. Batman will need to find an edge in the fight, and we know that Superman is only really weak against three things: Kryptonite, Movie Reboots and MAGIC!
I’m sure they’ll patch things up by the end so they can march merrily on to the planned Justice League film, but let’s wait just one Damon minute. Batman, being the greatest detective in the world, will realize that the biggest threat to Earth’s safety is a rogue magician trying to stop Superman the next time ZOD and the Funky Bunch wants to punch Earth’s clock. Batman will then declare war on the biggest magical threat in cinematic history, the Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!
Batman vs Potter! Two battle scarred orphans duke it out over (I presume) a trilogy of Summer blockbusters! Watch the Caped Crusader solve the greatest mystery of his career, namely “You wouldn’t hit a kid with glasses, would you?!”
BACK TO REALITY
I’m looking at the DC comics solicitations for this week’s comics, and I’m not seeing any tie in books for this new film project. Or am I?
Scholastic is rereleasing the Potter books this week with brand new covers by illustrator Kazu Kibuishi. They’re saying this is in honor of the series 15th anniversary, but eagle eyed fans will notice how closely in style with the films these new book covers are. Marketing is all about brand recognition, and neither Scholastic nor Warner can take any chances you will want to miss their new Potter/Batman mash-up masterpiece.
DC is publishing some pretty swell titles, including Aquaman #23, Justice League #23, Batman Superman #3 and the Batman Incorporated Special #1. This latter features a solo Batcow support story! Justice League #23 is one of the final chapters in the big DC event, Trinity.
Wait a minute…
Marvel has New Avengers #9 on the stands this week as a tie-in with their big event called Infinity. Are both companies doing cross-over events named after numbered groupings?! Please TRY and convince me you two companies aren’t constantly ripping off each other’s ideas.
Image has some sexy, secret books out this week..sort of. They do have a certain book outthis Wednesday called Sex #6, and a book called Secrets #3.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to wrap this column up. A movie crossover event as big as “Harry Potter and the Dark Knight Showdown” is going to sell out as soon as the news breaks! I need to go to my local cineplex RIGHT NOW to ensure that I’m first in line! Hopefully the theater owner won’t call the cops on me and have me ejected from the premises after I explain I’m waiting in line for a film that doesn’t exist yet that I just made up. He’s got a bad track record with that. They called the cops when I told them I was waiting in line for X-Men meets Star Wars movie I predicted, as well as when I was pitching a tent out front for Aliens Vs Predator Vs Twilight. I can’t help that I pitched a tent. I just love Jacob!