Did you get some really cool comic books for free on Free Comic Books Day? Good! BECAUSE I GOT ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC NUDITY IN A CHURCH!
It’s all a big, stupid misunderstanding. There were these guys who were saying that Brandon Graham’s King City wasn’t one of the best graphic novels in the past five years, and I took great umbrage with that statement as I believe the antithesis. Go read that sentence back if you don’t believe me. NOW believe this: Brandon Graham’s King City is NOT ONLY one of the best graphic novels of the past five years, it’s also ONLY $19.99 for over 400 pages of pure comics dynamite!
There’s this guy with a magic cat trying to either win back his ex-girlfriend or stop the hell-beast of the Apocalypse from destroying the eponymous, sprawling, insane city he calls home. He’s on the fence because he can’t really figure out if he still loves this girl, or if it’s just his love of nostalgia, OR if this hell-beast thing could blow over without him getting involved because, really, he should probably be helping his luchador roommate rescue a water alien before she’s thrown into intergalactic sex-slavery by mobsters.
THAT is essentially the plot to King City as I loudly explained it to the two gentlemen in question right after they said that King City could “Eat it.” Now that I think about it, they may have been saying “Take this, all of you, and eat it, this is the blood of my body.” I did so many whip-its that day, it’s hard to remember. As I walked up the aisle of the bar to explain further, I rolled up my sleeves anticipating trouble, as well as taking off my shoes so I had a place to keep my glasses safe. I took my sock off so I had something to protect my other sock in, and I took my pants off to keep my socks company. It was only once I was PARTIALLY naked that I realized I wasn’t in a bar, but a church.
“Didn’t I hear you two guys about five minutes ago reading the new Image comic, Prophet?” I slurred. “EVERYBODY knows that this new Prophet reboot is amazing, and it’s drawn by Brandon Graham, too! LOOK at the difference in art styles! Graham has such a versatile pen that Prophet is the best looking sci-fi comic since Moebius, but King City is all in a fluid, funky cartoon/graphiti style…almost like Crumb drawing the Muppets!”
By this time these two yutzes up at the roster where getting really pushy, and I noticed a crowd had gathered in the pews to watch the fight. First they just chased me, grabbing my shirt to try and pin me to the floor, but I escaped by wriggling out of what clothes I had left. HA! Grab THAT, Mr. Funny-Hat.
“Look,” I yelled, “The modern look of comics is defined: Craig Thompson’s Blankets, Aaron Renier’s Spiral-Bound, and stuff like Fun Home and Scott Pilgrim! Clean lines, interesting ideas and characters! Hip comics about modern problems, but still FUN and energetic! Dark sometimes, but also CRAZY! Stuff that TV and movies still can’t hold a candle too!”
And THAT’S when I remembered that the whip-its were NEVER supposed to be combined with the medically prescribed pain medication I was free-basing because of my tennis elbow. I started flopping around, foaming at the mouth and trying to get my two cents in about the overlooked genius of Adam Warren and Mark Martin when the cops tazed me.
I woke up in the clink with no money, no clothes, no free comic books and worst of all, NO ticket to see the Avengers, because I had to use my one phone call to get in touch with my lawyer instead of calling Movie•Fone.
Whatever. I was still right. King City is one of the best Graphic Novels in years. Can I borrow some pants?
More musings from Unkiedev, Earth’s own sidekick, can be read at unkiedev.blogspot.com