This is BAD. This is worse then the time I was kidnapped by Mermen and forced to fight in gladiatorial combat against swordfish, narwhals and squid. This is worse than the time I was freakishly teleported to outer space to take part in humiliating intergalactic Fraternity hazing rituals for posh alien jerks. Dare I say it, this is worse than every second of my birth. YES I remember it.

What has gotten me so irked? THIS ARTICLE I JUST WROTE! See if you can spot the mistake I made:


Since that INCREDIBLE Flex Mentallo HC collection that you SIMPLY must own, it has occurred to this humble, charming, courageous, startlingly handsome, and above all humble author that there are certain books I intended to buy once they were collected which have never been collected. Ain’t that a kick in the teeth?

Here is a handy guide to stuff you can’t own, and a few recommendations to make you feel better about that.

4. Jason vs. Leatherface, Topps Comics, Nancy Collins (W)

In 1996, Freddy vs Jason was a pipe-dream smack-down that jaded fans figured would never happen. The very notion of Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Ash (from Wildstorm and Dynamite .. .DEFINITELY worth getting!) would have exploded a 90’s mullethead quicker than Coke and pop-rocks!

The best we could have hoped for was THIS Topps comic, Jason vs. Leatherface, in which Mr. Voorhees makes brief frienemies with The “Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s” Leatherface.

Is it good? No, not really…and it’s damn expensive! Single issues can go for as high as $20! Oh, won’t some white knight gallop in and buy up all the rights to these two comic book franchises and reprint this damn book so I can be disappointed all over again?

UNTIL THEN: Go grab the collected Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Ash, or Robots Vs. Zombies Vs. Amazons or even the latest Avengers Vs. X-Men.

3. What The..?!, Various, Marvel

FACT: Marvel essentials are THE greatest cheap reads to keep atop one’s toilet bowl. Fair warning, some are more “essential” than others. Can anyone truly make a case that their library is a laughing stock if they don’t own Essential Moon Knight Vol.2 or Essential Marvel Two-In-One Featuring The Thing Vol. 4?

With such questionable tomes in the line-up of “essentials,” WHERE, I ask, is my Essential What The..?!

What The..?! was a funny little joke comic Marvel ran for a few years. The key to What The..?!’s success was getting many of the actual artists associated with titles to parody themselves. Silvestri making fun of the Fall of the Mutants, Byre making fun of his Fantastic Four run were instant classics!

If Marvel packaged that with the old Jack Kirby Not Brand Echhs comics, the more recent Brian Michael Bendis/Jim Mahfood Wha Huh?! one-shot and whatever other Marvel funnies they could muster (Ed.- Shame Itself, perhaps?), they would have an Essential that, while still arguably not essential to daily life on Earth, would get my $20!

UNTIL THEN: DC’s two FANTASTIC Bizarro World comics and Marvel’s two all right Strange Tales volumes should scratch that itch.


Did you catch the mistake I made?! CORRECT: My shoes were untied!


More musings from Unkiedev, Earth’s own sidekick, can be read at unkiedev.blogspot.com

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