Comic Con-gnitive Dissonance

By Unkiedev

The San Diego Comic Con is happening tonight, tomorrow, and all through the weekend…without you or I in attendance AGAIN. How did we let this happen? It’s like the comic book rapture has occurred and we are left to fight for resources in the streets like unpure, heathen dogs. Arf.


10: Go See Captain America! The Captain will cheer us up! He’s gonna’ punch Nazis, throw his shield and maybe even get injected with super-soldier serum until we feel better, why not? Maybe he’ll give us free Coffee Coolatas.

9: Come on over to the Forbidden Planet and pick up a couple of Captain America related titles after seeing Captain America. Might I recommend the Essential Avengers Vol. 1, The Captain America Omnibus by Ed Brubaker, and Secret War? Either “Secret War.”  They’ve had a couple…shhh! It’s a secret.

8: While you’re there, read any of the fine crop of comic books being released this week, all available at the Forbidden Planet…I’d mention what they are, but I’m a bit too maudlin right now to think straight…sigh. Sure wish I was at SDCC. This isn’t working at all.

I Know!

7: Throw your own comic book convention in your house with your stuffed animals! YAY! Here, Kitty, you can buy this hotdog I made at the concession stand for six dollars. Oh, you think six dollars is a bit much for a Hot Dog? Well, the nearest restaurant is the kitchen and you’re welcome to leave the convention hall to walk there. Yo, Creature of the Black Lagoon Plushie: You break that hard bound copy of Batman: The Long Halloween, you bought it!

6: Read your favorite old comics! That’s why you love comic books; the stories and tales you grew up with…as drawn and written by your favorite old creators who will all be signing autographs at San Diego this weekend without you.

5: Huff printer’s ink out off your favorite old comic books until you pass out and hallucinate that you’re ACTUALLY at SDCC! No, not really. (EDITOR’S NOTE: kids should never huff anything because it’s stupid and then you won’t have any friends, because no one wants to be friends with a stupid person.)

4: Draw your own comics! Yeah! That’ll show those Cali twerps who’s having the most fun. After you self publish your own adventures of “The Amazing Story of Mr. Amateur and his Inept Bumblings” you’ll be laughing all the way to the Kinkos/Fed Ex. Take it to the MoCCA Art Festival next year and trade it for books even worse than yours.

3: Throw eggs at cars…no, I suppose it’s not too comic book related, but it will make you feel better.

2: Write a comics article for the comic shop newsletter about ways to make you feel better. That might make you feel better. Unless it doesn’t…let me check…NOPE, don’t feel any better, really.

I guess there’s only one thing left to do.

1: Come on down to the Forbidden Planet and commiserate with fellow comic book fans about the sensational, unfair awfulness of it all. If there’s one thing we comic book fans can do together, it’s point out how other people are worse off then ourselves!


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