The Comicscological Constant

By Cornhusker T. Whiskerbooties

(Just kidding, it’s by Unkiedev.)

OFTEN times my “job” as a jet setting comic book journalist is a real grind…like when I get a paper cut on a near mint copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 and I bleed on the page and my blood lowers the resale value of Spidey’s first appearance by, like, $15,000.  Bummer. Or when there are SO many comic book groupies trying to steal my clothes that I just DON’T know what to do, ho hum.

NOT today, however. Today we get to turn our attention to AMAZING comic books FROM THE FUTURE! Yes, instead of telling you super-cool comics that you can buy this week (Hint: Captain America #1, X-Men Schism #1, Green Lantern #67,  Hellboy The Fury #2, and the IDW Berke Breathed gallery collection are a few high points,) I will instead reveal sensational new comics that you can’t buy today, tomorrow or even next Tuesday…these are books you’ll have to borrow from Marty McFly as these swanky tomes only exist IN THE FUTURE!

MILK AND CHEESE: DAIRY PRODUCTS GONE BAD HC, Evan Dorkin (w/a) Dark Horse. Release date* December 21st.

Milk and Cheese is one of the funniest American comics ever. Misfits, outcasts, and the unseemly; we as a community have rallied together to support each other against they who would shun, castigate and revile us. We use our minds and deeds as weapons. We use the escapism of sci-fi, comics, and fantasy to succor our pain.  At times we turn on ourselves, but we always remain true to our cause.

Milk and Cheese is the flag waved high by the foot soldiers of geek culture. Milk and Cheese are tiny food products wrecking massive destruction on all of our enemies. See all of humanity laid bare beneath their knuckles, bricks, and razor sharp barbs…and most importantly see these Dairy Products Gone Bad lampoon ourselves lest we get too high and mighty.

That was a bunch of bluster to describe a wedge of cheese and a carton of milk punching babies and making Jack Klugman jokes, but I feel it with every fiber of my being. Few books can be recommended higher than this new, all inclusive Milk and Cheese collection from Dark Horse…and it’s being published in December. That’s right:

It’s only available…IN THE FUTURE! And here are some more great future books for your time traveling temptation.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: 1969 will be unveiled at the amazing San Diego Comic Con. The League is getting a bit top heavy with references even for stalwarts such as myself, but it is still masterful stuff from one of the industries founding fathers. Pick it up in two weeks while you’re waiting for…

Empowered vol. 7, Adam Warren’s “sexy-superhero romp” as he calls it won’t be out till 2012. ALL of DC’s titles are getting a revamp after the events of Flashpoint unfold…so if you’ve ever wanted to own your own copy of Batman #1, Superman #1, and Wonder Woman #1 they’re waiting for you…in the you-know-where.

Plus it follows logically that Marvel will do the same trick, as whatever DC does Marvel will do as well, and visa versa.  It’s not a coincidence, nor is it theft of ideas or lack-of-originality…both companies are actually the same corporate entity run by a conglomeration of space aliens and time-traveling, fugitive mummies from the Past.

You didn’t know that? Well now ya’ do.

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