By Devin T. Quin
Arg! T’is time again for the San Diego Comic Con, the biggest and most expensive trip most nerds will take outside of their parents basements this year. If you haven’t bought your tickets yet then take heart, because you can’t anymore. I’m sure the dang thing will be totally sold out by the time we go to press. Did I say “heart?” I meant “valium.” Don’t worry, you can always pre-order for next year….OH WAIT, sorry, pre-order for next year has probably sold out now, too.
Well, you can always do what I do: steal clothes out of my grandfather’s closet, pour talcum powder into my hair and flash a homemade badge as I power-walk through the gate, brandishing a cane and pretending to be Roy Thomas. “I reinvented Conan the Barbarian, dammit!” I scream. I don’t think anyone’s caught on to me yet.
“Why go through all the bother?” you ask?
Because the con is a hotbed of exclusive swag, items so magical and rare that you could finance the overthrow of a small third-world nation by reselling the con exclusives on ebay! I hear they once offered a limited edition Megatron that transformed into an actual WORKING pistol! This one time I hear they sold finger bones from Batman “Creator” Bob Kane’s actual fingers! THIS ONE TIME I swear to god they were selling the actual bags of sand drained from the costumes from the desert scenes from Star Wars: A New Hope! Yup, I own a five hundred dollar bag of sand that was in Anthony Daniel’s foot!
What do you mean “Do they still sell Comic Books at this thing?” Who cares about the comic books, man?! This is the San Diego Comic Con! Continue reading