So let’s just review this document my clone has passed in…we’ll call him CLunkiedev. *Puts on reading glasses, clears throat* Ahem.

GOOD FOR YOUR EYES

Well, I already have to step in to editorialize. Clunkie’s written here “Darhrazz 8” and then a sort of squiggle. Due to me taking this particular clone out of the tank a little early his hands aren’t strictly speaking hands…he can grip but his nailless fingers are sort of boneless and stumpy. I think IT is trying to recommend Dark Horse Presents #8 which, on top of some great new stuff from Brian Wood and Howard Chaykin promises to have a Hellboy B.P.R.D. tie-in story. It’s a good book to cover.

Speaking of which, Clunkiedev has scribbled a sort of moist rectangle with a Superman symbol, the number 6 and a big “X” through it. I think It is as disappointed in the cover to Action Comics #6 as I am…sort of a green and purple blob in which Superman is stuck as though in a Japanese tentacle manga. It reminds me of Clunkie’s forehead…see eyelashes are really hard to clone, and they came out all…never mind. AC #6 has a lousy cover, but I’m sure Grant Morrison’s superlative writing on these Super-books will be top notch.

Two covers that leap off the shelf are Fear Itself The Fearless #8 and The Twelve #9! Fear Itself The Fearless is the spin off series from last summer’s Fear Itself event. Good  Marvel fun. The cover, however, is the best Art Adams has to give! Amazing perspective, detail and poses as only Adams can deliver.

As for The Twelve #9, this HIGHLY anticipated book begins the ending to a great story line first launched in 2007. That incredible, shirtless wonder you see on the cover is the BLUE BLADE, one of Unkie’s top picks for relaunch glory! His powers? He can pull of that outfit and ride a horse! NICE! Twelve trades are available here at the Forbidden Planet to get you up to date on this fun, weird story.

MARK OF THE BEAST

Detective Comics #6 featuring Batman vs. Penguin and Justice League International #6 join Action Comics as top #6 picks here on Clunkiedev’s list, but they’re rather hard to make out as the clone machine malfunctioned and his tongue is flopping out of his elbow. Every time he finishes a sentence it gets all drooly and blurry. Eww.

I’ll wrap this up; Image has a new issue of Invincible out this week, as well as top cartoonists such as Jill Thompson, Shannon Wheeler, and Mike Allred doodling silly all over fairy tales in Fractured Fables. NO cartoonist tops Sergio Aragones, who gifts the world with another volume of wonders in this week’s Sergio Aragones Funnies #7 from Bongo.

Avengers X-Sanction #3, Hulk #48, Venom #13 and a slew of new X-Books. Round out Marvel’s offerings. What’s that sound?

*CRASH* Uh-oh, I’ve gotta’ run! Clunkie’s found the sugar bowl and he’s getting a little rambunctious. As I’m typing this he’s sweating all over my linens; only due to the clone-machine’s increasingly poor quality control standards, his sweat glands have been replaces with…You know what? Don’t worry about it. Let me just take care of this.

NEXT WEEK: How to bury a clone in five easy pieces…I MEAN STEPS! Now where’s that machete?

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More musings from Unkiedev, Earth’s own sidekick, can be read at unkiedev.blogspot.com

Click here to view the embedded video.

Vampires! Fairy Tales! Embattened men! All this and more as Dan Roth guides the trusty ship of Weekly Comics Releases through the stormy seas of the Christmas rush.

7 Billion Needles Vol 3 – Manga! Yeah I read that stuff too.  This one reminds me a lot of Parasyte but with a female lead.

Avengers #10 – The Hood, The Illuminati, and The Infinity Gems… Oh my!

Crossed Psychopath #1 – My favorite comic book creator David Lapham back with a new Crossed series.  I just finished the last Crossed run Family Values (also by Lapham) and let me tell you, its just as sick, if not sicker than Garth Ennis’ original run.

Bullseye Costume T-Shirt

Deadpool #33 – Deadpool in space.

Deadpool Team-Up #884 – Deadpool and The Watcher, best team-up yet.

Detective Comics #874 -More Scott Snyder, Batfans approved!

Gotham City Sirens #20 -Harley out for Joker blood.

Metalocalypse Dethklok #3 -Ca ca ca comic books.

Punisher In Blood #4 – Jigsaw is back and boy is he pissed, and so is Frank Castle for that matter.

Secret Avengers #10 – Watch your backs Secret Avengers its Bizarro Nick Fury and a guy who can actually kick Steve Rogers ass.

Vampire Tales Vol 2 – Finally! The 2nd digest sized collection of the Marvel Vampire Tales magazine.  I loved the first volume and was super stoked when I noticed this one is hitting shelves this week.  Even Matt D is reading vampire books on the train nowadays.

See you next Wednesday…

Now it seems Batman had a case of the munchies while on patrol and didn’t feel like paying for his chalupas.  The burrito burglary begins about 40 seconds into the video below.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Methinks this is just a clever ad for Hispanic Batman.

We’re big memorabilia people here at The Daily Planet, even bigger at the store.  All I can say is that if I ever get the chance, I am so buying that full size Thor helmet.

However, that is not the point of this post. My friend Rick Marshall, head honcho over at MTV’s Splash Page, reports that the original 1960s Batcycle from the Adam West TV series sold on eBay for just under thirty grand.

Rick reports that the customized Yamaha Catalina comes complete with classics like the Bat(ter)-Ram, Bat Scanner, and the detachable Robin sidecar.  Apparently, it was quite the task for stunt men to pilot that sucker.  I can imagine.

However, what I most enjoyed about the article is the mileage note.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Batman only put 8,500 miles on the Batcycle before it was retired to the Bat-Cave (Bat-Garage?) in 1968.

I’m not going to make some stupid pun about driving around Gotham City. I’m just going to let it go.  You can thank me in the comments.

I was hit on the head by a flying plank this weekend and ended up in a magical land of Ez. All I had to do was find the enchanted Wizard of Ez to get home, but along the way I was assisted by strange counterparts from the land of comics. There was the scarecrow of Brian Michael Bendis who needed some better pacing, the amazing tin-man of Dan Slott who just needed more exposure and the gormless has-been played by Frank Miller who was badly in need of some shame and self reflection.

THE TRUTH

Persepolos Books 1 & 2

Actually my weekend was nothing like that, but I did go to other lands…war torn and harrowing other lands, thanks to the animated film Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi. Based on the graphic novel of the same name Persepolis is an incredible portrait of growing up in the constant war-zone that is Iran, a story of constant repression and dread. You will never appreciate your American freedom more than when you’re confronted by those who can never have it.

MITE EXCITED

Batman: The Brave and the Bold

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I also got to catch the “Legends of the Bat-Mite” episode of the Cartoon Network’s new Bat-Cartoon “Batman: The Brave and the Bold.” This “MITE” be my favorite Batman yet, fun, colorful and exciting! Some of us never really bought into the ultra-violent Dark Knight that the Bat became, and held out hope for a Batman who could lick em’ while smiling. Well children of the 80’s, our Batman has returned. Not since Adam West did the voice of “The Gray Ghost” on the old Batman Animated show have I been this Bat-thrilled, as B:TB&TB brought along Bat-Mite, as voiced by Paul “Pee-Wee Herman” Reubens himself!

Go on e-bay and pick yourself up a copy of World’s Funniest, a DC one-shot from years back to get the best Bat-Mite story of all time! Bat-Mite and Mr. Mxylptlk, in an attempt to establish “Who’s cooler: Batman or Superman,” destroy not only the current DC universe but a few realities from the Elseworlds as well. Also, Grant Morrison presents Batman the Black Casebook, a trade paperback shipping this week featuring Batman in many of his weirdest issues ever! The casebook is a collection of reprints featuring Batman’s strangest cases from the 50’s and 60’s which Morrison drew inspiration from on his recent run, including the first appearance of Bat-Mite! The Black Casebook is in continuity, shouldn’t it be in your collection?

Batman the Black Casebook

BAT-BRAINED

Ah, don’t listen to me. Everybody knows ole’ Unkiedev is a few batarangs short of a utility belt. Heck, my pick-o-the-week is the latest installment of Adam Warren’s Empowered vol. 5 from Dark Horse, a slightly risqué take on female super-heroes, their bodies and their body-issues. IF you like Warren, this is NOT TO BE MISSED.

Marvel Pets Handbook

Other than that I’m more stoked for this week’s Marvel Pets Handbook than I am about the big Captain America #600 introducing the new Bucky to continuity. I really hope Marvel Pets will have an entry on Ms. Lion. OOH! And Bill the mutant lobster! And Squirrel Girl’s assistant Skipper-Joe!

Captain America #600

BOTTOM LINE

This week I’ve plugged the strangest confluence of comics in my columnist career, but that’s what’s GREAT about this industry! The variety of material is staggering. Remember to have fun and try new things. See ya’ at the Mermaid Parade!