Comic Books as we know them are now over. Too bad, really, there were some super sweet books coming out this week, such as The Goon #41, Wolverine and the X-Men #15, Before Watchmen: Minutemen #3, Avenging Spider-Man #11, The Detective Comics Annual #1, and Justice League #12, which sure seemed like it had a great deal of promise.
It is a low down shame that none of that matters now. The seas are about to boil, and Lobsters are going to rule the land. How do I know? Because another book hitting the shelves this week is the Green Lantern Annual #1, and this book has very terse, direct solicitations; This book promises that “Everything changes here! EVERYTHING!”
Well that Sucks.
I sure hope you didn’t like breathing air and drinking water, because NOW we’re going to have to drink coal and breath Carbon Dioxide. We’ll need to walk on our hands, except when we fly, and cars will drive US to work, which will now consist of paying someone else to allow you to loiter.
Maybe DC doesn’t mean it…but they do have a Legal department. I’m sure if DC meant that “everything in the fictional world of the Green Lantern changes,” they would have written that instead of stating that everything will change! EVERYTHING! Were it to be otherwise we could sue them for Liable, and DC Legal is not about to let that happen.
Diamonds will now be called Mondiads, and will be the most common stone on the Earth, where we won’t live anymore, btw, because that will change too. We’ll probably be whisked away to some crazy new planet…or maybe we’ll have to live on a Moon now, as we lived on planets back before everything changed.
You know who goes to moons sometimes? Darth Maul!
Hey, did you know that Darth Maul, the short, evil Jedi from the first Star Wars movie isn’t (fictionally) dead, but is now half cyborg and hanging out with his pissed off brother named Savage Opress? Well now you know, and you can read more about it in the latest Dark Horse Star Wars comic, Star Wars: Darth Maul : Death Sentence #2.
Or you could have “read all about it,” but now everything has changed. Now you’ll have to “smell nothing about something else.” Thanks a HEAP Green Lantern Annual #1! Continue reading