Lots to look at today! A couple more number sixes trickled out in the form of Batgirl, Batman and Robin, Frankenstein, and Suicide Squad. Plus more of everyone’s favorite enmouthed Merc and enlobstered Johnson! Most exciting of all, a new Conan book from Becky Cloonan and Brian Wood! Throw is some Dark Matter, Scarlet Spider, Memorial, The Strain, and Thief of Thieves, (editor’s note: currently sold out.  New stock shipping march 14th) and you have a busy week of comics reading!

Now unless you’ve been living in the French Legionnaires for the past week you are aware via the internet (a series of tubes) that the Watchmen Prequel comic books have been green lit. We’ll soon have the adventures of Baby Rorschach, Nite Owl, and Silk Spectre from a variety of creators, none of whom are Dave Gibsons or Alan Moore.

There are only three aspects I want to focus on:

1) THE NUMBERS

This purely financial maneuver by DC, the comics company with the new, boring logo, may lead to some good books. With eight new titles, statistics make it hard for them all to be crap.

I’m very surprised that they had the wherewithal to re-team Brian Azzarello with Lee Bermejo from their fun graphic novel Joker onto a Rorschach book. Azzarello writes engaging crime comics full of losers, tough guys, and snappy banter…and he is the ONLY writer capable of making Rorschach, or his other title The Comedian, worth reading.

I’m THRILLED Adam Hughes will return to sequential art in Dr. Manhattan. I’m less than thrilled that J. M. Straczynski will be penning many of these new titles. Darwyn Cooke was the right guy for a Minutemen book…but let’s look at what they’ve done.

Get the team behind the grittiest crime comics to work on your gritty crime comic. Get the best post-modern, yet nostalgic, team book writer to write your nostalgic post-modern team book. Hire a big name to handle the rest and dole out art to whomever you can. I’m not saying go outside of your comfort zone, DC, I’m just asking you to show your cards a little less.

This is “Moneyball” for comics, a game DC has been playing for some time. They’ll have some hits, they’ll have some creative misses. They’ll make money…but will they burn bridges?

2) THE QUESTIONS

WHERE is Dave Gibbons? YES Alan Moore wouldn’t cross the street to piss on these books if they were on fire, but Dave has proven he is a reliable company man and a proud papa of his comic book children. He still works and has proven he’s happy to take the check…so where is he?

NO books from Dave, and no covers from Dave either? Is this Dave’s choice or DC’s?

Another question is WHAT stories are they going to bother telling? There are no loose ends from Watchmen, no threads left to follow. If the Star Wars prequels taught us ANYTHING it’s that you can’t shed more light on a subject already perfectly clear…you just wash out the contours.

Also: WHO I ask you wants a prequel to the pirate comics from Watchmen. I love pirates and I love Watchmen but even I have no real interest in Crimson Corsair, the prequel to the Tales of the Black Freighter framing sequence.

3) WATCHMEN 2, RATED R, 2014?

Every choice made by DC on this topic is clearly commercial, and publishing is one of the least profitable aspects of any modern comic book company.

The race is on…WILL DC saturate it’s own market with uninspired, watered down products before they finish filming the inevitable prequel? Does anybody want that movie? Does it matter?

Statistics are fun, and let’s try some: The original Watchmen is the Citizen Kane of comics with almost 100% approval and critical acclaim. I’m going to buy 27% of these new Watchmen books, maybe even 50%. You’ll buy some too.

BUT, if you’re willing to take a chance on eight new titles, doesn’t it make statistical sense to get 100 Bullets,  Darwyn Cooke’s New Frontier, Joker, Marvel’s The Twelve, Alan Moore’s Top Ten, and Promethea, Adam Hughes’ Ghost, or any of the other proven titles from creators you’re willing to take the gamble on?

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More musings from Unkiedev, Earth’s own sidekick, can be read at unkiedev.blogspot.com

Leading off the new arrivals is the Bishoujo Mystique statue, and a pair of repainted Ami-Comis statutes: White Canary and Star Sapphire Wonder Woman. The Ami-Comis are kind of whack, basically just being repainted versions of the previously released White Canary & Star Sapphire, but hey, they may be someone else’s thing. Mystique, on the other hand, is a damn find low end statue, and the painting and sculpt is very well done, especially when it comes down to the skulls on her belt. In addition to Mystique, we also have the black costume variant Batgirl Bishoujo statue in stock, which  looks a ton better than the original release thanks to the new paint scheme/job.  I would easily recommend the 2 Bishoujo statues over the Amie Comis if you interested in picking any of them up.

After what seemed like forever, Square Enix finally released the first set of the Super Street Fighter IV Play Art Kai figures.  And it’s worth the wait, because these figures are MASSIVE! Chun Li and Ryu make up the first wave, and each of them come with a variant head, another set of hands, a  trademark fireball, and a stand for said fireballs. Again, I think it’s bull that Squenix doesn’t package figures for their figures anymore, but they’re fairly sturdy figures as is. Much more so than the previous Final Fantasy releases, as their exaggerated designs lend itself to this look well. They go for about $55 each, which is the average Play Art Kai price these days. If you’re looking for some colorful additions to your collection, and really dig Street Fighter, these figures are meant for you.

The biggest arrivals of last week have to be in the insane amount of new Bandai arts figure. We finally got in some new releases, and man, it’s nice to have something that’s not Shonen Jump related to talk about. The first new D-Arts is from the cult PS2 classic/new hit anime Persona 4, and is the main protagonist’s Izanagi.  The first D-Arts based on Persona 4 (there’s at least 2 more on they way), Izanagi comes with a stand (obviously), a plethora of variant parts and effects, and a massive bladed weapon. The other new Figuarts of note in is Rock Bison of Tiger and Bunny fame! He’s a massive figure, easily overshadowing Tiger and Bunny in terms of scale. What’s a little beat about the figure is the fact that he really doesn’t come with much outside of some variant hands. Still it’s well sculpted and has a ton of articulation. So it’s not like it’s a bad figure. We also got a few older mecha-releases in stock, specifically Gundam F-91, and Eva Units 0-1, and the Berserker Unit 0-2. And a ton of Kamen Rider figures. Possibly a literal ton. A lot regardless. Prices for the figures start at $45 and go up from there. With the rate most of these have been selling out, I advise you come by ASAP if you want em.

So let’s just review this document my clone has passed in…we’ll call him CLunkiedev. *Puts on reading glasses, clears throat* Ahem.

GOOD FOR YOUR EYES

Well, I already have to step in to editorialize. Clunkie’s written here “Darhrazz 8” and then a sort of squiggle. Due to me taking this particular clone out of the tank a little early his hands aren’t strictly speaking hands…he can grip but his nailless fingers are sort of boneless and stumpy. I think IT is trying to recommend Dark Horse Presents #8 which, on top of some great new stuff from Brian Wood and Howard Chaykin promises to have a Hellboy B.P.R.D. tie-in story. It’s a good book to cover.

Speaking of which, Clunkiedev has scribbled a sort of moist rectangle with a Superman symbol, the number 6 and a big “X” through it. I think It is as disappointed in the cover to Action Comics #6 as I am…sort of a green and purple blob in which Superman is stuck as though in a Japanese tentacle manga. It reminds me of Clunkie’s forehead…see eyelashes are really hard to clone, and they came out all…never mind. AC #6 has a lousy cover, but I’m sure Grant Morrison’s superlative writing on these Super-books will be top notch.

Two covers that leap off the shelf are Fear Itself The Fearless #8 and The Twelve #9! Fear Itself The Fearless is the spin off series from last summer’s Fear Itself event. Good  Marvel fun. The cover, however, is the best Art Adams has to give! Amazing perspective, detail and poses as only Adams can deliver.

As for The Twelve #9, this HIGHLY anticipated book begins the ending to a great story line first launched in 2007. That incredible, shirtless wonder you see on the cover is the BLUE BLADE, one of Unkie’s top picks for relaunch glory! His powers? He can pull of that outfit and ride a horse! NICE! Twelve trades are available here at the Forbidden Planet to get you up to date on this fun, weird story.

MARK OF THE BEAST

Detective Comics #6 featuring Batman vs. Penguin and Justice League International #6 join Action Comics as top #6 picks here on Clunkiedev’s list, but they’re rather hard to make out as the clone machine malfunctioned and his tongue is flopping out of his elbow. Every time he finishes a sentence it gets all drooly and blurry. Eww.

I’ll wrap this up; Image has a new issue of Invincible out this week, as well as top cartoonists such as Jill Thompson, Shannon Wheeler, and Mike Allred doodling silly all over fairy tales in Fractured Fables. NO cartoonist tops Sergio Aragones, who gifts the world with another volume of wonders in this week’s Sergio Aragones Funnies #7 from Bongo.

Avengers X-Sanction #3, Hulk #48, Venom #13 and a slew of new X-Books. Round out Marvel’s offerings. What’s that sound?

*CRASH* Uh-oh, I’ve gotta’ run! Clunkie’s found the sugar bowl and he’s getting a little rambunctious. As I’m typing this he’s sweating all over my linens; only due to the clone-machine’s increasingly poor quality control standards, his sweat glands have been replaces with…You know what? Don’t worry about it. Let me just take care of this.

NEXT WEEK: How to bury a clone in five easy pieces…I MEAN STEPS! Now where’s that machete?

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More musings from Unkiedev, Earth’s own sidekick, can be read at unkiedev.blogspot.com