An X-MAS Tale!

The portal opened five feet from his left, and Wolverine watched the lanky, muscled frame of his former teammate and friend step out onto the snowy grounds of the Jean Gray School for Gifted Students. Cyclops looked grim as usual, and travelled with a dusty satchel. Wolverine couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Scott Summers smile.

Wolverine Cyclops X-Men cartoon

“I’m here, Logan.” Cyclops said, looking around for traps. “What is it you needed? Make it quick, I’m a wanted man.”

Wolverine uncrossed his arms and stepped forward. “I’ve been one too, Cyke, many times. After awhile, being out in the cold gets to ya’.” Scott just nodded, and so Wolverine continued. “Remember that first Christmas back at the Mansion with Chucky, Kitty, Peter and Kurt? We all laughed watchin’ Storm give the Professor Snow-Fros?”

“That was a long time ago,” Cyclops said, and instantly struggled with a thought. How long ago was that? Sometimes it feels like it was Thirty years ago, but it may have been only Five.

“If there’s one thing you learn while being an X-Man, it’s that time can always be changed.” Wolverine half smiled, and reached behind a nearby statue. He pulled out a box, brightly wrapped in red and green candy cane printed paper.

It was an X-Mas present from one X-Man to an Ex-X-Man.

Cyclops opened the box with hesitant hands. Years of battle hardened ambushes had trained him to be wary of gifts. What lay inside the present surprised him more than any bomb, alien parasite or severed head of a beloved comrade.

Inside the box was a case of custom made, ruby quartz contact lenses. Enough to last an entire year.

“Merry X-Mas, Slim.” growled Wolverine. “Hank helped with the design. I wonder why we’ve never thought of this before.”

“Logan,” choked Scott, “It’s-. I don’t know what to say.” Embarrassed, he turned and reached into his travel bag, taking out a brightly wrapped box of his own. Wolverine was stunned. He did not expect this…because this story takes place now. If this was the 80’s or 90’s, they would have said Wolverine could pre-smell the present with his heightened senses, but nobody remembers that power set anymore.

“I had hoped your message was sincere, so I came prepared. Thanks for forgiving me for killing Professor X. Again.” Cyclops laughed.

“Ah, heck, Slim. Who hasn’t killed that bald S.O.B. once or twice. Now what have we here,” Wolverine asked, opening the gift. He, too, was surprised because again- no heightened sense of smell.

Rogue, Jubilee, X-Men cartoon

Inside was an Adamantium claw sharpener with a jar of Adamantium claw polish. Wolverine smiled. Cyclops did the same. Somewhere a jolly, fat elf was Ho-Hoed. They both started to laugh.

“You know, Scott, this gift is the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever given me,” Wolvie sighed, “And as useless as a Metrocard for Nightcrawler. You see-” and what followed was a sickening SHLACK sound, as the bloody stumps of bones broke through Wolverine’s hands. “I sold my Adamantium claws and skeleton to a scrap dealer in order to afford the Ruby Quartz Contacts.”

Tears started to swell in Scott Summers’ eyes, as he broke into a silly grin. “Of course. That seems like our luck, Logan, because you see-” He paused. Red streaks started to roll down his cheeks. Tears of blood were flowing fast now, as Cyclops removed his visor, revealing the ruined cavities of his former weapons. “I sold my eyes to a mutant organ harvester in order to afford the Adamantium claw sharpener.”

They laughed, cried, hugged and bled all over each other there in the snow, both laughing at the magic of Christmas. They soon both passed out from blood loss and died of exposure.

MERRY X-MAS!

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