TURTLE FIGHTING LEAGUE

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The funky cool DC Villain month covers continue to march upon the shelves, making all other books jealous. YES, I would like a 3D lenticular Penguin cover! Thank you, Batman 23, that is ever so polite of you! So shiny! So motion-y.

By comparison, all other comics seem as boring as a rained out golf match. IF we could judge books by their covers, then I’d say that DC is winning this month. BUT WE CAN’T, because the government won’t let us. Thanks a lot, Bloomberg.

DEV’S “I HAVE A DREAM” SPEECH

Occasionally, through deep meditation and special herbs, I have flashes of insight and knowledge beyond my ken. I do my best to share these brain burst with you, my readers, in the hopes that you will be seeds in the fertile soil of the marketplace and sprout the fruit of my visions through consumer action.

We need a crossover where Gamera fights the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

I leave this up to IDW to arrange. After all, they currently have the TMNT license, as evidenced by their Classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Vol 6 and The New Animated TMNT #3 on the shelves this week. They ALSO have an amazing talent for publishing inter company material, as evidences by their incredible artist additions of some top quality work from Marvel, Dark Horse and more. TRUE, there is no DC artist editions yet, but there are MAD artist editions and MAD, like DC, is a Warner IP.

Third, IDW has done a great job of crossovers! Under IDW Popeye has fought off the Mars Attacks Martians. The Ghostbusters have fought off Cthulhu. BOTH Star Trek and the Transformers fought off a zombie invasion borne of the Robots and Zombies universe!

Dark Horse published some Gamera books in the not too distant past. Who knows who currently holds the license. I’m sure IDW can get to the bottom of it.

FRIENEMIES IN A HALF SHELL

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Gamera, for the three of you not in the know and the hundreds of you who are pretending like you do, is a giant mutant turtle with tusks who is the Pepsi to Godzilla’s Coke. They inhabit different worlds but accomplish the same goal…stripping the paint off of cars through stomping and fire breathing! YES Gamera is predominantly a good guy (or girl. I don’t mean to make gender stereotypes of turtles through my ignorance) as are the TMNT. How to make these erstwhile allied fight?

SIMPLE: Using the current turtle comic continuity, Krang uses his dimensional portal to bring in a monster capable of destroying the city. This monster is none other than Gyaos, the winged arch meanie of Gamera! Gamera is drawn to the fight, but the turtles mistake him for their enemy and go at him with deadly ninja force!

Should this be a hit (and how could it not) we can get right on to the follow up, Gamera Vs. TMNT Vs. Blastoise! Nintendo are notoriously stingy with sharing their IPs, so this may be a bit of a long shot. Plus we all know Mega Evolved Blastoise would win.

A PLEA FOR SANITY

Though originally solicited about a month ago, Previews is reporting that Sam Henderson’s Magic Whistle #13 is shipping this week. Who am I to argue with Previews? Let’s say, hypothetically, that I am wrong and Magic Whistle has already shipped.

Let this serve as a REMINDER to pick up a copy. Sam Henderson is to comics as Gallagher is to the fruit smoothie industry, which is to say a subtle genius ahead of his time. Don’t be put off by the art, which admittedly looks like a cross between Hello Kitty and Guernica. The Magic Whistle will genuinely make you smile, laugh, and believe in the healing powers of idiocy.

NEXT WEEK: Unkiedev pitches his incredible Big Bird Vs. Killer Shrike comic idea, and we print an apology to everybody who actually purchased Magic Whistle #13 based on this column. An apology, but not a retraction. “I’m sorry you can’t appreciate the greatest comics genius of our time.” THERE’S your apology, philistine!

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