Comicspirocy

Hot on the heals of the past two headline grabbing national events, I’m standing on the floor of the Comic Book National Convention in Ypsilanti, Michigan. The CBNC is just what you think it is, the top secret, ultra exclusive summit where all of the comic book publishers come together to vote on what kinds of stories, art styles, and talents that we the comic book industry shall be advancing this season.

I hope you like Cowboy Talking Animal comics, because they’re coming.

I’m reporting from a garbage can near the food court, hiding beneath a pile of $12 half eaten hot dogs. NO Journalists are allowed at this event…which is why they have this thing in Ypsilanti.

Here at the CBNC, they make the big calls. UP until the CBNC 2007, the Red Lanterns puked TANG.

And here comes the big announcement…I can see Joey Q and Dan Didio climbing up to the stage, holding hands. Yep, and they’re approaching the microphone, and here comes the big announcement of the year! Is it a reboot? Zombies? Alternate futures? WHAT unexpected twist will my favorite comics hit me with this year?!

UH-OH.

THE END

Ladies and Gentlemen, they have just announced that comic books will stop publishing on December 21rd, 2012. Apparently, the Mayans are TOTALLY right, and they’re shutting down the industry because the world is going to end. This is a real bummer…WAIT, hold on, there’s still a chance to save comics!

Alan Moore is on the stage now, and he’s laying down some heavy mumbo jumbo about how “The end of the world” actually means rebirth! He is saying that, if we all read as many comics between now and the apocalypse, we can reshape the future with our minds and be reborn into an era of sensational comic book excellence! Jim Lee (who is holding Alan’s hand) agrees.

You did know that the Alan Moore/DC feud is a media created construct, perpetuated by the comic book industry, right? It was voted on at the 1989 CBNC…but that’s not important right now!

WHAT IS IMPORTANT

BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE, Make sure you buy Batman #0, Buffy Season 9 #13, Avengers vs. X-men #11, or He-Man and the Masters of the Universe #2! Pick up the latest issue of Chew #28, or Avenging Spider-Man #12, Walking Dead #102, or Hell, I don’t care if you buy GRIFTER #0, just make sure you buy some comics!

I’m not trying to be a prophet of doom and tell you “If you don’t buy comics we won’t have an industry,” I am trying to THWART the prophets of Doom; those Mayan S.O.B.s; and inform you that the future is what we make of it! LET’S FILL THAT SUCKER WITH COMICS!

I know where I’m going to be on December 21st, 2012; Sipping a yoo-hoo, holding hands with Rob Liefeld, and reading a comic book!

TAKE THAT YOU EXTINCT MAYAN BASTICHES!


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More musings from Unkiedev, Earth’s own sidekick, can be read at unkiedev.blogspot.com

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