Well, That’s All the Time We Have for Today

Sociologists would have you believe that the only reason we turn to comic books is for wish fulfillment…but would you be surprised to find out they can be right?!

For example: Kevin Nowlan draws great comic books, Mike Mignola writes good comic books. I wish these two guys could get together and make a comic book for me to buy this week featuring aliens and mutated cows. THEY DID?! Well, wasn’t that thoughtful.

The Hellboy: Buster Oakley Gets His Wish one shot written by Mr. Mignola and drawn by Kevin Nowlan promises to be a daringly bizarre Hellboy punch-em-up where the big guy goes toe to hoof with some alien ghoulies over livestock. I’m in!

So there, one wish fulfilled. That was easy!

What else should I wish for? Hmmm, well, I’ve always wanted to see a time traveling motorcycle battle a man who could run really fast. Too bad that will never happen, sigh.

Wha?! DC’s The Flash #10 features that very plotline and also kicks off this summers big DC crossover called Flashpoint?! Hooray! Now I don’t have to hang out in a parking lot and ask bikers to race marathoners anymore!

With all that extra time I can also catch up on my comic book reading, starting with Superboy #6 where Superboy, currently the clone of our beloved boy-scout in blue Kal-El, will fight Doomsday, the semi-unstoppable collected angst of planet Krypton that KILLED Kal-El in the first place necessitating a clone.  Just read that sentence over and you know that this one is gonna’ get META!

FOR MY THIRD WISH I wish I had a million dollars. Poof! Amazing Spider-Man #658! The details of this issue are shrouded in mystery, which COULD mean it’s a BIG DEAL “Fear Itself” tie in, or even a Fantastic Four story, or that the Marvel writers just got lazy and didn’t write a description.

Don’t pass this one by, folks.  Sometimes “Classified” means “Super Collectable!” Why, the details to Captain America #25 were classified, and they went and killed off Cappy in that one with no previous notice. Should something big and crazy happen in ASM #658 than that sucker could be worth something…say perhaps ONE MILLION DOLLARS?!! BWA-HA-HA, my wish is granted, Long Live Jambi!

With all that money I can buy multiple copies of Incredible Hulks #626, written by Mr. Modern Day Hulk Yarn Greg Pak featuring Hulk, Mary-Sue Amadeus Cho and Red She Hulk as international Spies. I want one copy to read, one copy to save, and many more copies to cut apart so I can surround myself with pictures of Red She Hulk pasted on every surface of my house. Fine, I’ve got a Red-Hulk thing. I can admit to it. I wish I could see her everyday. BLAM, that’s how it’s done!

IN CONCLUSION

I wouldn’t turn to comics in order to fulfill my wishes if most of my wishes didn’t involve comic books! I with I had more comic books! THERE, another wish scratched off the list!

Let’s all agree to save on our therapy bills and pour that money directly into the Forbidden Planet, shall we? Therapy begins this Wednesday! See you there!

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