Dispatch from an Alternate Universe

By Unkiedev

There is not a single problem that can befall man nor beast that cannot be resolved through the awesome powers of this week’s new comic books. S’true!

Let’s pretend you are a wasp and you’re way behind building you new hive. Not only does Doom Patrol #20 feature bizarre characters written by the incomparable Keith Giffen, but you could eat it, digest it and regurgitate it out to make a wood pulp perfect for your queen’s new chambers! The same goes for Superboy #5, which features a race to the finish between Superboy Connor Kent and Kid Flash! Wowee!

“Unkiedev,” you might now declare, “You are a glue-sniffing fool. I am neither NOT a wasp. This solution will not suit, sir! I am, however, living in an alternative universe which has been taken over by Zombie hoards and trying to date a half mutated hippopotamus.”

Well why didn’t you say so earlier?! Image has a new issue of the critically acclaimed Walking Dead #83 this week, and if that doesn’t serve as a sweetly illustrated “How To” guide for survival than nothing will! As for your relationship woes I can assure you we’ve all been there. Why not pick up Elephantmen #30, it has many lovely pointers on inter-species relationships which might be applicable to your situation.

Some problems are easily solved by comics, such as “I’m drowning but I need a good jumping on point for Captain America” or “I’m an endangered red panda and I don’t own enough Art Adams books.” Marvel has you covered this week with Ed Brubakers Captain America #615.1 and the long awaited Ultimate Comics X #4.

Some problems are harder to remove. Say you are haunted in the night by a screaming ghost who you think is deranged. It keeps screaming “Avenge wrens” even though you haven’t ever hurt any wrens. Then it insists that you “Answer, Vegan” even though you totally just ate a hotdog and are not, by any means a Vegan.

A difficult problem to be sure, but one to which comics have the answer! Your ghostie friend’s caterwauling is just being rearranged through the veil of death! His cries are simply anagrams for “New Avengers!” behold, New Avengers #10 hits shelves this week and we can all rest in peace!

UNKIEDEV’S TOP PICK O’ THE WEEK

Vertigo Resurrected: Finals TP, Will Pfeifer (W), Jill Thompson (A), Vertigo

I bought this when it came out and I’ll buy it again, by gum. This darkly written graphic novel centers on a college with a difference. Where most schools teach you the lessons you need to survive in the real world, this school requires you demonstrate said skills before you leave. Writing a paper on sociological effects of cults? Well you better start one and force your subjects to kill themselves so that intrinsic knowledge can be learned! Studying nuclear physics? What could go wrong as you construct your own nuke right in your dorm room!

Jill Thompson is one of my favorite artists in the biz, and Finals is one nightmarish ride through the truly twisted hallways of higher learning. Finals is a smash in the face to cutesy college romps, and should not be missed by lovers of the macabre!

Pick it up this week and you’ll know what to do when you need to devolve to the level of a feral man-beast in a hurry. Another problem solved thanks to comic books and Unkiedev!

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