New Comics and GNs You Don’t Want To Miss

Cripes Dangit! I’ve been swept out to sea by a freakin’ flash flood and have NO comic books to read this week. While you’re reading DC’s Action Comics #893 this week, featuring a drag-down, messed up punch fest between Gorilla Grodd and Lex Luther I’ll be starving and suffering from Hypothermia. While you’re enjoying the latest Chew #14, I’ll be havin’ a blast watching my teeth fall out from scurvy. Whoop-dee-freakin’-DOO! While you’re blah blah blah Ultimate X #4, I’ll be blah blah something awful involving suffering in the middle of the ocean.

LOBO: HIGHWAY TO HELL, Scott Ian (W), Sam Kieth (A), DC

I plugged this when it came out and I’ll plug it now that it’s a Trade-Paperback.

I LOVE Sam Kieth’s moody, painterly art but I cannot stand his repetitive story themes. Fortunately Scott Ian of the metal band Anthrax is on writing duties with a story about the baddest alien bounty-hunter of all time taking Satan down a notch. BAM!

Lobo was THE biggest star of the late 90’s comic scene…kinda’ like Deadpool is today only grungier, I suppose. He’s an alien who’s race was so tough that he had to kill them all lest they ever try to muscle in on his intergalactic shake-down rackets. His high point was killing Santa Clause back when that meant something…the low point of his career was being killed by Wolverine during the DC/Marvel voting crossover. This will sound ultra-geeky, but there is NO WAY Wolverine could defeat Lobo.

LOBO: Highway to Hell is NOT going to reinvent the Main-Man’s career, but it will tide us over for a good time until DC decides to revamp the big bastitch once and for all.

Speaking of tiding one over, I’m pretty impressed of this soup I’ve made of sea fronds, plastic bottles and my own dandruff. It might not be food, but it sure tastes better than my own, bloated and dehydrated tongue.

MORE COMICS

Another definite purchase for this dehydrated hydronaut will be Ryan Kinnaird’s Next Gen Warz #1 (of 2) from Image. YES, it is a soft-core pornographic version of the console wars, but…oh wait, that says it all. SIGN ME UP!

Amazing Spider-Man #644 has some promise, only because after the last arch of Spider-Man there’s no where to go but up! Avengers Prime #3 is drawn by Alan Davis, so that’s an automatic buy as well. Same goes for Powers #6, except for the Alan Davis part.

Wait, that makes no sense…uh-oh, looks like dementia has set in from lack of sleep.

I WOULD have slept, but then the sea gulls that circle over me, ya’ know, waiting for my death, would have stolen the shoe strings I’ve been using as paddles. That’s how bad things have gotten…my only hope lies in rowing myself to an uncharted island using soppy shoe-laces.

My raft, made of strips of tree bark and feces, needs a bumper sticker what says “Yes, I’d Rather be reading Spider-Man: Back in Quack #1.” Spider-Man and Howard the Duck together at last?! I can die happy…and I probably will in a few seconds-

Hold on a ‘mo. Here come some horribly misshapen mutant mermaids from the deep. I can only hope they have an inflatable dinghy what for to rescue me from my predicament, and not just pokey tridents to skewer me for a meal.

Wait and see, dear reader. Wait and-OW! Watch it with that trident, Namor!

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