IMPORTANT NOTE: Shipping this week is DC’s Nemesis The Imposters #1. Just so we are clear this is NOT the new Mark Millar comic from Marvel staring modified versions of DC’s Batman and the Joker. Let there be no confusion: the Marvel comic featuring evil Batman will be called Nemesis, too. I mean Nemesis #1, not Nemesis #1 from DC. That makes perfect sense, right?
ON TO BUSINESS
I’ve been honorably discharged from the Military! RATS! Up till now I’ve had a cushy desk job reading comic books on Uncle Sam’s dime. That’s right: ever since the 1950’s the government has secretly paid a red blooded American male a living salary to sit at a desk and read every single comic book that ever gets released. I guess it was all part of a study to determine if Wertham’s “Seduction of the Innocent” held any water.
I found the job through that “Government Grant Money” book. Ya’ know, the one on TV that is sold by the guy who looks like the Riddler?
I’ve been fired, thanks for asking, because they caught me reading forum posts on comic books INSTEAD of reading the books themselves. C’mon, did they really expect me to read Jughead #456?
I GUESS SO
Pity, too, as this week has some AMAZING comic books. The very controversial Buffy The Vampire Slayer #33 hits the stands this week, as does a personal favorite from Dark Horse, Age of Reptiles: The Journey #3.
DC has last week’s column mentionable Sam Kieth on Batman Confidential #42, as well as the first issue of Brian Azzarello’s NEW pulp comics universe with First Wave #1. Come read the adventures of classic heroes Doc Savage, the Spirit and Batman fight post-war axis powers in a world where (GASP!) NO ONE has powers therefore NO ONE is bullet-proof!
Speaking of pulp heroes, Dynamite Entertainment begins publishing Kevin Smith’s The Green Hornet this week! With Mr. Smith’s checkered comic success rate, combined with a third string hero who’s due for a big screen reboot from Seth Rogan and pals, is this book even REMOTELY commercially viable? Time will tell. All I know is: MY money will be better spent on Image’s INCREDIBLE Chew #9.
Marvel. YES I’ll buy your Fall of the Hulks The Savage She-Hulks #1 because it’ll feature the NEW She-Hulk in the Frightful Four, and YES I’ll also buy Girl Comics #1 because it’s going to have art from Burlesque dancer and all around business woman Molly Crabapple, but did you have to counter the pedantic “girl power” vibe you had going by ALSO publishing Ultimate Comics: New Ultimates #1 this week? That book is being drawn by Frank Cho…you know: Mr. “I-draw-big-wet-lady-butts-every-chance-I-get-and-also-drew-a-cover-implying-the-Hulk-wants-to-sleep-with his-cousin-the-She-Hulk-WHO,-incidentally-I-drew-naked-with-a-big-ole’-butt?”
So now you see the REAL problem here?
How am I supposed to buy Marvel’s grab bag of ambiguous sexual equalization, Image’s books on eating people, Dark Horse’s books about lizards eating each other and DC’s books about washed up heroes attempting to stay relevant to people they’d hate and despise WITHOUT my government job to pay for it all?
I guess I can get another government job to try and pay for it all. Do they still need people to trip on experimental CIA acid tablets as part of Project MK-Ultra?
Yes? NO? Anybody?