Hogwash: No New Comic Books

By Unkiedev

It was decided by a horde of crazed wood-elves that this final week of 2009 would see virtually NO NEW COMIC BOOKS. This can be a pain in the power-ring when you are a freelance comic book reporter in need of a good story.

At these junctions we are left with few options, one of which is to pull a William Randolph Hearst and MAKE UP some news, such as “ The 2011 release of Spider-Man 4 will reunite Spidey and Mary Jane in print,” or “ Greg Park confirms the Red Hulk is the mutant offspring of Devil Dinosaur and the original Abomination.”

This can be a quick pay-off, story wise, with disastrous consequences down the road. A reporter’s worth is tabulated solely by their credibility, and any writer caught fabricating a story will find their careers cut short. But then again, I write for the Weekly Planet and rarely get paid, so what the heck am I worried about?

Superman to Fight Ali AGAIN,

Yes, Neal Adams has confirmed through his website nealadams.com that DC plans on reprinting his classic oversized Superman vs Muhammad Ali for the eagerly awaiting eyes of an adoring fan base.

What Unkiedev’s Amazing Stuff has discovered is that the book will also feature a NEW oversized comic, written by the All Star Superman Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely re-matching these two pop-culture icons!

The comic will start with the ageless, all powerful Superman and the retired Muhammad Ali, now 67 and suffering from Parkinson’s Syndrome, reminiscing about their famous bout.

“We never did finish that thing,” slurs the venerable but tired Champ Ali, “On account of those no good aliens, the Scrubbs!”

“It was a technical knock-out, my friend,” quips the man of steel. “ I’m satisfied at your victory.”

“Well I’m not!” Croaks an angry Ali, trying to rise out of his wheelchair. “ Let’s go Kent, you and me in a rematch for the ages! This’ll be the Metropolis Mash-up! I’m gonna’ beat you like an unclean rug!”

“Now wait a minute old friend,” Superman will weekly intone.

“Not one minute, not one second!” screams a visably trembling Ali. “You should have stayed dead in the 90’s cause’ I’m gonna’ put you back in the ground! I’ll hit you so hard you’ll regrow your mullet! I’ll give you a poundin’ I’ll give you a lickin’, That “S” on your chest stands for “Supreme CHICKEN!”

“NO ONE calls me a chicken and lives you foolish old fool!” Screams Superman! “It’s ON!”

“We’re going to make this fight as fair as we can,” said Dan Didio, DC comics Senior Vice President. “Lex Luthor is going to give Ali a new wheelchair made of Kryptonite,

and he’ll have a full medical staff on hand to assist him, but it’s really going to be an awful mess for the poor guy, I’m afraid.”

Adams also reports he’s been hired to draw a special, all celebrity funeral cover for the anthology.

THE END

Wow, making stuff up is much easier than reporting on actual releases! Problem Solved!

SEE YA’ NEXT YEAR!

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